The Tribute Journal
Eulogy for a Friend: 7 Examples to Copy
A eulogy for a friend tells the family and the room who your friend was outside the family: the person you shared years, jokes and late-night phone calls with. It is usually two to five minutes long and built around one or two specific stories. Below are seven complete eulogies to adapt and what to check before you write a word.
For the general method, see how to write a eulogy; for more styles side by side, see our eulogy examples.
Your grief counts too
Friends are often expected to stand in the second row of grief. Wikipedia describes disenfranchised grief as "a term coined by Dr. Kenneth J. Doka in 1989 to describe forms of grief that are not acknowledged on a personal or societal level," and lists "the death of a friend, co-worker, or patient" among the losses that often go unrecognized. If you have been asked to speak, the family is telling you your loss matters. Let the eulogy carry it.
Check with the family first
- What to include, and what to leave out. The Emily Post Institute suggests you "ask the family if there is anything they feel should be mentioned or not mentioned." As a friend, you may know stories the family does not. Not all of them belong at the funeral.
- Who else is speaking. If a sibling is covering childhood and a spouse is covering family life, your job is the friendship.
- Whether eulogies happen at the service. At a Catholic funeral Mass, the rite allows for "a member or a friend of the family" to speak, but the Archdiocese of Boston's guidelines, for example, allow only one speaker for "no more than five minutes." Friends often speak at the vigil, the graveside or the repast instead.
1. A short eulogy for a friend
Hello. I'm Rachel, and I was Anna's friend for twenty-two years.
Anna was the friend who remembered. Your birthday, your kids' names, the job interview you mentioned once in passing three weeks ago. She would text the morning of it: "Go get them."
She made everyone feel like the most important person in the room, because to her, in that moment, you were.
Anna, thank you for every text, every coffee and every time you remembered. We will remember you.
2. For a best friend since childhood
Good morning. My name is Kevin. Danny and I met in second grade when he traded me his pudding cup for my sandwich, and he never let me forget that he got the better deal.
For thirty-five years, Danny was the brother I chose. We built a treehouse that was more nails than wood. We drove across the country in a car with no air conditioning the summer after high school. He was the best man at my wedding, and I was the best man at his, and both speeches were too long.
When my father died, Danny drove six hours, did not say much, and fixed the leaky faucet in my mom's kitchen that had been dripping for a year. That was Danny. He did not do speeches. He did faucets.
I am going to miss him every day. But I had thirty-five years of the best friend a person could ask for, and that is more than most people get.
Danny, you still owe me a sandwich.
3. A funny eulogy for a friend
Hi, everyone. I'm Tasha. Most of you know that Monique would be mortified that we are all dressed in black, because she believed black was for people who had given up on color.
Monique was the friend who turned a trip to the grocery store into an adventure, mostly because she always got lost. She had no sense of direction and absolute confidence, which is a dangerous combination. Some of our best memories happened on the way to somewhere we never actually reached.
She also gave the best advice of anyone I have ever known, and then ignored all of it herself.
Under all the laughing, she was fiercely loyal. If you were hers, she would fight anyone for you, and she would win.
Monique, we wore a little color today for you. Look closely and you'll see it.
4. For a friend who died young
Hello. I'm Alex, and I was Jordan's roommate for three years in college and friend for every year since.
Jordan was twenty-nine. That is too young, and nothing I say today will make it make sense. What I can tell you is that he packed more into twenty-nine years than most people manage in ninety.
He ran two marathons, learned to cook from online videos, volunteered every Saturday at the food bank, and still found time to text me terrible puns at one in the morning.
He was always planning the next adventure. There is a list on his phone of places we were going to go. I am going to go to some of them, and I am going to take him with me.
Jordan, thank you for being my friend. I'll send you a postcard.
5. For a coworker
Good afternoon. My name is Patricia, and I worked alongside Richard for eighteen years.
We spend more waking hours with our coworkers than with almost anyone else, and Richard made those hours better. He knew everyone in the building by name, from the CEO to the night custodian, and he treated them all exactly the same.
When I was new and terrified, he was the one who pulled up a chair and said, "Let me show you the shortcut nobody tells you about." He did that for every new person for eighteen years.
His desk is still there. Someone put a plant on it this week. We are all going to keep watering it.
Richard, thank you for showing us the shortcuts, and for showing us how to be good to each other.
6. For a friend who was like family
Hi. I'm Sam. Leah was not my sister by birth, but for twenty years she was my family.
When I moved to this city with two suitcases and no friends, Leah invited me to Thanksgiving with people she had known for a week. I came for one dinner and stayed for twenty years of holidays, birthdays and Sunday mornings.
She built a family out of people who needed one. Look around this room: half of us are here because Leah once said, "You should come over."
To her parents and her brothers: thank you for sharing her with us. She talked about you all the time, and she loved you more than anything.
Leah, we'll keep the table full.
7. On behalf of a group of friends
Good morning. My name is Mark, and I am speaking for the six of us who have been meeting for breakfast every Tuesday for the last twelve years. Bill was the seventh.
Bill always arrived first and always ordered the same thing. He read the paper out loud whether we wanted to hear it or not, and he settled every argument with a fact he probably made up.
But when one of us was in the hospital, Bill was there before the family. When one of us lost a wife, Bill was there every day for a month. He never made a fuss about it.
Next Tuesday, there will be a seventh chair at the table. We are going to leave it there for a while.
Bill, thank you for showing up, every Tuesday and every time it counted.
Tips for writing it
- Name the friendship. How you met and how long you knew each other tells the family something they may not know.
- Pick stories that are safe for the whole room. Grandparents, children and a priest may be listening. Emily Post asks speakers to "handle any humor with care for how it may be received by all."
- Speak to the family at least once. A line thanking them for sharing your friend means a great deal.
- End by speaking to your friend. One short, direct line is the most memorable part of any eulogy.
If you are not speaking but want to help, our guide on what to say to someone who lost a loved one has words that work. Families also appreciate practical help, such as the funeral program, which is often still unfinished the night before.
Common questions
How do I write a eulogy for a friend?
Say who you are and how you knew them, tell one or two specific stories, say what they meant to you and to the people around them, thank the family, and end with a short line spoken to your friend. Check with the family first about what to include.
How long should a eulogy for a friend be?
Two to four minutes is typical when family members are also speaking. The Emily Post Institute's range is no less than two minutes and no longer than eight to ten, shorter when there are several speakers.
Can a friend give a eulogy at a funeral?
Yes, if the family asks or agrees. At some religious services, including many Catholic funeral Masses, only one brief speaker is allowed, so friends often speak at the vigil, the graveside or the reception.
What should I not say in a eulogy for a friend?
Avoid stories the family may not know or want shared, inside jokes nobody else will understand, and anything that embarrasses your friend or the people in the room. When in doubt, ask the family.
Is it normal to grieve a friend this much?
Yes. Grief for a friend is often called disenfranchised grief, a term coined by Kenneth Doka for loss that is not acknowledged by others. It is still real grief, and speaking at the funeral is one way to honor it.
How do I end a eulogy for a friend?
Speak to them directly in one short line: a thank-you, an inside joke the room can understand, or a promise. It is usually the line people remember.
