The Tribute Journal
"In Lieu of Flowers" Wording: 25 Examples That Feel Right
"In lieu of flowers" is the line that tells guests where to send their kindness instead. It takes one sentence, it usually goes in the obituary and again in the program, and families often stall on it for an hour because it feels awkward to ask. It should not. Guests genuinely want to know, and telling them is a kindness in itself.
Where the line goes
Two places. In the obituary it sits near the end, after the service details. In the funeral program it usually appears on the back panel, alongside the acknowledgements. Our guide to what to include in a funeral program shows where it fits among the other back-panel elements.
For a charity or cause
The most common case. Name the organization exactly as it is legally registered, and give people one clear way to give.
- In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the American Cancer Society.
- In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made in Margaret's name to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.
- Rather than flowers, the family invites you to support the causes James cared about most: the Humane Society and the local food bank.
- The family kindly requests that memorial contributions be directed to the Alzheimer's Association, a cause close to Helen's heart.
- In lieu of flowers, donations in Robert's memory may be made to any organization working to end homelessness.
For a hospice or hospital
When care in the final months meant a great deal, saying so plainly is often the most moving version of this line.
- In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to Hospice of the Valley, whose nurses cared for Dad with such gentleness.
- Memorial gifts may be made to the palliative care unit at Mercy General Hospital, in gratitude for the kindness shown to our mother.
- In lieu of flowers, please consider a gift to the hospice team who made Anne's last weeks peaceful.
For a church or place of worship
- In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to St. Mary's Catholic Church.
- The family asks that gifts be made to the building fund at First Baptist Church, where John worshipped for forty years.
- In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the church music ministry, which brought Ruth so much joy.
For a scholarship or memorial fund
If the fund is not yet established, say so — people will still give, and it buys you time to set it up properly.
- In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to the David Nolan Memorial Scholarship at Lincoln High School.
- A memorial fund is being established in Sarah's name to support young musicians; details will follow, and the family thanks you for your patience.
- In lieu of flowers, gifts may be made to the library fund at Oakdale Elementary, where Mrs. Carter taught for thirty-two years.
When the family needs the help
This is more common than it used to be, and there is no shame in it. Funerals are expensive and often unplanned. Keep the wording warm and factual.
- In lieu of flowers, the family gratefully accepts contributions toward funeral expenses.
- The family kindly asks that donations be made toward final expenses and the care of Thomas's children.
- In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to the memorial fund established to support Maria's family; envelopes are available at the service.
When there is no preference
Not every family wants to direct the giving, and that is a perfectly good answer.
- In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to a charity of your choosing.
- The family asks only that you do something kind for someone this week, in Mary's memory.
- Flowers are welcome, as are donations to any cause meaningful to you.
- In lieu of flowers, plant something. Bill would have liked that.
What to avoid
- Do not name a dollar amount, or suggest one. It turns a gift into an invoice.
- Avoid "no flowers" as a bare instruction — it reads as a rebuke to people who already sent some. "In lieu of flowers" is gentler and says the same thing.
- Do not list four charities. Two at most; people freeze when given a menu.
- Do not omit the how. A named charity with no website or address is a dead end.
- Check the legal name of the organization before printing. "Cancer Society" and "American Cancer Society" are not the same entity, and donations to a misnamed charity can go astray.
Do you have to say "in lieu of"?
No. The phrase is traditional but slightly formal, and plenty of families prefer something warmer. "Rather than flowers," "instead of flowers," "in place of flowers," or simply "the family asks that" all work, and all read a little more like a person speaking.
How do you word in lieu of flowers?
One sentence naming the organization and how to give: "In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to the American Cancer Society." Add a website or address so people know where to send it.
Is it rude to say in lieu of flowers?
No. Guests want to know what the family prefers, and directing that kindness somewhere useful is thoughtful, not rude. What can read poorly is a bare "no flowers" — "in lieu of flowers" says the same thing more gently.
Can you ask for money for the family instead of flowers?
Yes, and it is increasingly common. Keep it warm and factual — "the family gratefully accepts contributions toward funeral expenses" — and never name an amount.
Where do you put in lieu of flowers in an obituary?
Near the end, after the service details and before the closing line. In the funeral program it usually sits on the back panel alongside the acknowledgements.
